Diamond Under The Christmas Tree
We begin the holiday season by checking in with one of our favorite artists, Neil Diamond. Neil has a new Christmas record out, which is pretty good considering he’s Jewish (actually he’s the “Jewish Elvis“). The album, A Cherry Cherry Christmas, is pretty much like every other superstar holiday offering with his versions of the usual warhorses and a couple of weird ringers (Adam Sandler’s “The Chanukah Song? “Amazing Grace” ???). Whatever – we love Neil Diamond.
But our favorite song on the new Neil Christmas album is the title song, where he uses his own song titles in the lyrics. Here are some of the lyrics:
Wish you a very merry, cherry cherry Christmas
And a holly holy holiday, too.
Underneath your tree may there always be
Sounds of harmony, not a song sung blue.
You can hear “A Cherry Cherry Christmas” on Neil Diamond’s MySpace page. Just go ahead and listen to the entire song. We’ll wait.
OK, we don’t think he went far enough. This could have been a 15-minute epic, with titles of even more Neil Diamond songs. A catalog the size of Neil Diamond’s is like Santa’s workshop for songwriters – there is so much more here. We put our resident songwriter George to work, writing a handful of new verses with even more Neil Diamond Song Title Goodness. Not that Neil needs help from the likes of us.
So pour a little brandy, poke the fireplace coals and wiggle closer to your favorite snuggle partner: here are the discarded pages of Neil’s “A Cherry Cherry Christmas” lyric book, as envisioned by us. We went ahead and placed the song titles in bold, for those of you who are totally out of it.
I don’t want to be a solitary man this Christmas
Darling if you know what I mean.
Our love is on the rocks, but I bought you this Christmas box
Full of Crunchy Granola Suite.
Hello again, my dear, hello
It’s Santa calling to let you know
My heartlight is bright, on these Brooklyn roads tonight
Thank God for snow and not a hot August night.
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother
I knew him a long time ago.
I am, I said, he cried, before he left for a ride
On Brother Love’s Traveling Salvation Show.
I always thank the Lord for the night time
In America, land of the free
Shilo, my dear, this Christmas let me be
Girl, you’ll be a woman soon.
When I eat my porcupine pie this Christmas
I’ll wash it down with some red, red wine.
Play me some beautiful noise and I will sing along
For my one and only … Soolaimon.