Bah, Humbug! More Worst Christmas Songs Ever

We must have been in a hurry to put up our last post on this subject because we missed a whole bunch of holiday stinkers. Here is the rest of our list of the best of the worst Christmas songs of all-time:

“Last Christmas” by Wham

Released in 1984, shortly after we were introduced to George Michael and his white short shorts.

“The Chipmunk Song” by Alvin and the Chipmunks

I thought it was cute in sixth grade, but I heard it the other day and it was a long 2:23.

“Baby, It’s Cold Outside” by GLEE Cast

Like the great Kevin Dorsey used to say on 101 KLOL in Houston…”I just don’t know anymore.”

“Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney

I love Paul McCartney, but this song sounds like he got a new Casio for Christmas and had a lot of time to kill.

“Blue Christmas” by Elvis Presley

Elvis sounds fine and the song is not horrible, but the background singers kill it.

“Dominick the Donkey”

Anyone have Tony Soprano’s number? Maybe he can whack the stronzo who wrote this scoreggia.

“Step Into Christmas” by Elton John

This one never did anything for me. Sounds like a throwaway that was turned into a Christmas tune.

“Toyland” by Doris Day

Heard this for the first time this morning and it will be the last.

“The 12 Days of Christmas” by The Sinatra Family

I can picture rich people sitting around the tree singing this version as the help serves them another cup of egg nog.

Video Du Jour: Steel Panther

Here’s a sneak peek at our buddies Satchel and Stix from Steel Panther in the studio, crafting their first (and probably last) sensitive piano ballad. That Elton John dude must really be an a**hole! And for God’s sake, this is totally NOT SAFE FOR WORK!

Steel Panther official website

Oh Man, Christmas Is Coming!

Santa ponders Tiger Woods' Christmas list

How can Christmas be so close?  It was just the Fourth of July … or it seems like that.  Waitin’ for that next paycheck to roll around before we get out in the trenches for some combat shoppin’.  No time, no time.  But there’s always time for a few songs.

MP3: “Snoopy’s Christmas” by the Royal Guardsmen

MP3: “Monster’s Holiday” by Bobby “Boris” Pickett

MP3: “Santa’s Got A Muthaf**kin’ Uzi” by Mr. Lif

MP3: Ann Margret Holiday Greeting

MP3: “Step Into Christmas” by Elton John

MP3: “Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow” by Dean Martin

MP3: “Hey Santa Clause” by the Chesterfield Kings

MP3: “Zombies Eating My Brain” by Daddy Bone

MP3: “Hark The Herald Angels Sing” by the Chinese Kids’ Choir

MP3: Pee Wee Herman’s Christmas Medley

MP3: “Christmas Sucks!” by Tom Waits & Peter Murphy

MP3: “Run Rudolph Run” by Lemmy Kilmister, Dave Grohl and Billy Gibbons

Happy Birthday, Paul!

One of the greatest songwriters and singers in rock and roll, Paul McCartney turns 67 on Thursday (June 18).  With the Beatles and later as a solo performer and bandleader, McCartney created some of the best (and worst) music in rock and roll history.  He isn’t as cool today as he was in the 1960s, or in the early part of the 1970s, but even at the twilight of his career McCartney is still a formidable talent.  His album Electric Arguments, released as The Fireman late last year, was considered to be one of the year’s best and a return to form for McCartney.  A collaboration with fellow legend Bob Dylan may be in the works – if it happens, that would be another milestone in an incredible career.

In 1965 McCartney wrote “Yesterday,” which the Guinness Book of World Records says is the most covered song ever.  It has been covered more than 3,000 times and in the 20th century alone the song was performed more than 7 million times.  We thought about doing a marathon with different covers of one song (as we did a few weeks ago on Bob Dylan’s birthday) but thought it would be more fun to just dig up songs from throughout McCartney’s career.  So after the jump you have some of McCartney’s best music as performed by others, as well as a few versions of “Yesterday.”  McCartney may be rather unfairly judged by his output over recent years, but most of this shit rocks.  Happy birthday!

30 Days Out (From Christmas): Rockin’ Stocking 1970s

 

Day 22– Don’t know about you, but I spent half of the 1970s still in shock from the 1960s.  The one thing you could hold on to was the music – it hadn’t yet gone into the toilet.  Musically, what defined the decade of the 1970s?  Artists who became famous in the previous decade ruled, of course.  Three of the Beatles popped up with holiday songs – one is a classic, one is OK and one is pretty much the worst Christmas single ever, if not one of the worst songs ever committed to vinyl (and CD).  Do I need to point them out for you?  Here’s a clue: two of them are posted here.

In the Seventies there was also black pop, disco and punk.  It was one of those all-inclusive decades.  So why am I so paranoid?  Anyway, today’s post reflects a little of everything, like the 1970s decade its own bad self. 

MP3: “(Gonna Have A) Disco Christmas” by Disco Beat

MP3: “Father Christmas” by the Kinks

MP3: “All I Want For Christmas Is You” by Foghat

MP3: Drive Safely PSA by George Harrison

MP3: “Ding Dong, Ding Dong” by George Harrison

MP3: “Thank God It’s Christmas” by Queen

MP3: “Christmas Must Be Tonight” by the Band

MP3: “It May Be Winter Outside” by the Love Unlimited Orchestra

MP3: “Step Into Christmas” by Elton John

MP3: “The Little Drummer Boy” by the Salsoul Orchestra

MP3: “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” by the Mistletoe Disco Band

MP3: “Silent Night” by the Dickies

MP3: Good For Joey’s Nerves radio spot by the Ramones

MP3: “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Wanna Fight Tonight)” by the Ramones

MP3: “Peace On Earth/The Little Drummer Boy” by Bing Crosby & David Bowie

MP3: “Run Rudolph Run” by Keith Richards

MP3: “Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town” by the Jackson Five

MP3: Peace Message from John and Yoko (1970)

MP3: “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” (Demo) by John Lennon

Lost Classics! The Hudson Brothers

Chances are if you remember the Hudson Brothers, you don’t remember anything good about these guys.  The trio out of Portland knocked around in the late 1960s and 1970s, recording for a number of labels including Elton John’s Rocket Records.  They hit the big time in the summer of 1974 when they became the stars of their own variety show, a summer stand-in for the then-popular “Sonny and Cher Show” on CBS.  They also scored their biggest pop hit with “So You Are A Star” that fall.

The Brothers then took their TV act to Saturday mornings, where their kids-only TV show played for about a season.  When that crashed, the teen idols went into the studio with Elton John lyricist Bernie Taupin and emerged with Ba-Fa, a beefier-than-usual album that nonetheless aimed squarely for teen pop listeners.  One of the songs, “Rendezvous,” wasn’t bad – written by Bruce Johnston (Beach Boys), it was power pop at its crunchiest.  And it just missed hitting the Top 20 in 1975.

But FM radio wouldn’t have anything to do with these guys, and before long the Hudsons were desperately trying to hang on in show business.  Within a year, they were all but forgotten.  Bill Hudson became involved in movie production and his company (co-owned with ex-wife Cindy Williams of “Laverne & Shirley”) produced the hit Father of the Bride movies.  Bill later married Goldie Hawn and is the father of Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson.  Mark Hudson stayed in music as a songwriter, he wrote “Living On The Edge” for Aerosmith and toured with Ringo Starr in 2005.  Brett Hudson, the “dreamy” one, now works in TV production.  For these washed-up teen idols, there are no plans for a reality TV series.  Thank god.

MP3: “Rendezvous”

Lost Classics! Long John Baldry

Once upon a time, there were places on the radio dial that you could go to hear things you had never heard before.  And sometimes, you’d never hear those things again.  FM radio, in the magic late 1960s and early 1970s, was a wonder.  Especially late at night, when DJs had utterly free rein in the music they played and the substances they consumed, legal or illegal.  Kinda like the audience.

Anyway, one of the amazing artists I first heard late at night on KLOL radio beaming out of Houston was the British blues belter Long John Baldry.  With a deep, smooth voice that could get rough as sandpaper when he wished, Baldry hit No. 1 in the U.K. in 1967 with a ditty called “Let The Heartaches Begin.”  He also played in a band called Bluesology with one Reginald Dwight on piano.  This pianist tried to commit suicide over some woman and Baldry – who was openly gay – talked the piano player out of marrying the woman.