Play Ball! 2012 Edition

The original "Wild Thing," from the movie Major League ... and last year, in real life.

This week, we begin another baseball season. Aside from the winter holidays of Christmas and Thanksgiving, this is the time of year when you hear the most cliches. Bullshit springs eternal in baseball, and with that in mind here are some of our favorite baseball quotes:

“Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.”  ~Ted Williams

“Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.” ~Yogi Berra

“Strikeouts are boring – besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some ground balls. More democratic.” ~From the movie Bull Durham

“You don’t save a pitcher for tomorrow. Tomorrow it may rain.”  ~Leo Durocher in the New York Times, May 1965

“Just a reminder, fans, comin’ up is our ‘die-hard night’ here at the stadium. Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won a pennant.” ~From the movie Major League

“Hey, I want to be a Cardinal forever.”  ~Albert Pujols, now a California Angel

And our all-time favorite: “I’ll tell you one f**kin’ thing, I hope we get f**kin’ hotter than sh*t, just to stuff it up them 3,000 f**kin’ people that show up every f**kin’ day, because if they’re the real Chicago f**kin’ fans, they can kiss my f**kin’ ass right downtown and PRINT IT.” ~Lee Elia, News Conference Tirade 1983

Well, there is not much else to say.  Except: play ball!

MP3: “Get The F**kin’ Job Done” by Lee Elia (NSFW)

MP3: “Who’s On First?” by Abbott & Costello

MP3: “Willie, Mickey & “The Duke (Talkin’ Baseball)” by Terry Cashman

MP3: “Go Cubs Go!” by Steve Goodman

MP3: “Centerfield” by John Fogerty

MP3: “Brown Eyed Handsome Man” (alternate version) by Chuck Berry

MP3: “The Ball Game” by Sister Wynona Carr

MP3: “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” by Bob Dylan

MP3: “Tessie” by the Dropkick Murphys

MP3: “All The Way” by Eddie Vedder

MP3: “The Fenway” by Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers

MP3: “Catfish” by Kinky Friedman

MP3: “Go Go Astros” by Mack Hayes

MP3: “Glory Days” by Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band

MP3: “Lima Time!” by the Baseball Project

MP3: “Nolan Ryan (He’s A Hero To Us All)” by Jerry Jeff Walker

MP3: “New York Mets” by Duke of Iron

MP3: “All Future and No Past” by the Baseball Project

The Unofficial Official Lee Elia Tirade Page

The Official Site of Major League Baseball

The Baseball Almanac

YouTube: Ozzy Osbourne sings “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” at Wrigley Field

Play Ball! 2011 Edition

NOTE: Tomorrow is apparently Major League Baseball’s official Opening Day, although they have some games today.The logo clearly says April 2011, although elsewhere on the MLB site it says March 31. Jeez. Just celebrate both days!

Today is opening day and, aside from the winter holidays of Christmas and Thanksgiving, the time of year when you hear the most cliches. You know, spring and new hopes and new expectations, life begins anew, blah blah.

Instead of that, why don’t we share some of our favorite baseball quotes:

“Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.”  ~Ted Williams

“Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.” ~Yogi Berra

“Strikeouts are boring – besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some ground balls. More democratic.” ~From the movie Bull Durham

“You don’t save a pitcher for tomorrow. Tomorrow it may rain.”  ~Leo Durocher in the New York Times, May 1965

And our all-time favorite: “I’ll tell you one f**kin’ thing, I hope we get f**kin’ hotter than sh*t, just to stuff it up them 3,000 f**kin’ people that show up every f**kin’ day, because if they’re the real Chicago f**kin’ fans, they can kiss my f**kin’ ass right downtown and PRINT IT.” ~Lee Elia, News Conference Tirade 1983

Well, there is not much else to say.  Except: play ball!

MP3: “Get The F**kin’ Job Done” by Lee Elia (NSFW)

MP3: “Who’s On First?” by Abbott & Costello

MP3: “Willie, Mickey & “The Duke (Talkin’ Baseball)” by Terry Cashman

MP3: “Go, Cubs Go!” by Steve Goodman

MP3: “Brown Eyed Handsome Man” (alternate version) by Chuck Berry

MP3: “Go Go Astros” by Mack Hayes

MP3: “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” by Bob Dylan

MP3: “Tessie” by the Dropkick Murphys

MP3: “Glory Days” by Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band

MP3: “New York Mets” by Duke of Iron

MP3: “All Future and No Past” by the Baseball Project

The Unofficial Official Lee Elia Tirade Page

The Official Site of Major League Baseball

The Baseball Almanac

YouTube: Ozzy Osbourne sings “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” at Wrigley Field

YouTube: George Carlin, Baseball vs. football

Play Ball!

At the Baseball Hall of Fame, Cooperstown NY

Starting pro baseball season in the middle of this big economic losing streak might be a good idea, or it might be a bad one.  Good idea – the simplicity and fun of America’s pastime might get our minds off our money woes.  Bad idea – we can’t afford a friggin’ ticket!

But we really have no choice: baseball has its own time, like the seasons.  It arrives, whether we are ready for it or not.  We will soon be wondering about lineups, starting pitchers, Manny, the damned Red Sox and lots more.

They should add a line to every player’s baseball card saying whether or not he took steroids.  They should have Bruce Springsteen play after one game in every ballpark in America.  And they should bring back Lee Elia.  Time to play ball.

MP3: “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” by the Hold Steady

MP3: “Who’s On First?” by Abbott & Costello

MP3: “Catfish” by Kinky Friedman

MP3: “Yankee Stadium” by Nils Lofgren

MP3: “Narragansett Beer” by Curt Gowdy

MP3: “Past Time” by the Baseball Project

MP3: “Go, Cubs, Go!” by Steve Goodman

MP3: “Hank Aaron’s 715th Home Run” by Milo Hamilton

MP3: “Baseball, Baseball” by Jane Morgan

MP3: “Baseball Bat” by Courtney Love

MP3: “Real Men of Genius: Mr. Designated Hitter” Bud Light commercial

MP3: “Centerfield” (live) by John Fogerty w/Jerry Garcia, Bob Weir and Clarence Clemons

MP3: “Get The F***ing Job Done” by Lee Elia

YouTube: “A Dying Cub Fan’s Last Request” by Steve Goodman (Thanks Ken Shane, for the suggestion!)

Play Ball!

 

Baseball season opens in earnest today and with it comes the promise of another great, long season … pennant races … incredible individual efforts … petulant whining by millionaires … steroids … subpoenas … grand juries. 

OK, OK.  We won’t wax rhapsodic on the virtues of baseball, or make any comparisons to real life.  We will just offer instead some of our favorite baseball sound bites.  Hope your team this season fulfills all your hopes and dreams.

MP3: Take Me Out To The Ball Game – Bob Dylan

MP3: Who’s On First? – Abbott & Costello

MP3: The Ball Game – Sister Wynonna Carr

MP3: Narragansett Beer – Curt Gowdy

MP3: Hank Aaron’s 715th Home Run – Milo Hamilton

MP3: Did You See Jackie Robinson Hit That Ball? – Count Basie

MP3: Get The F**king Job Done – Lee Elia

MP3: Baseball, Baseball – Jane Morgan

MP3: Take Me Out To The Ball Game – Bruce Springstone